THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
Psalm 68:4-10

A sermon given by the Rev. Richard H. Taylor
October 9, 2005 / 21st Sunday of Pentecost

I think I have come to like the poetry of the Bible better than some of its specifics. Psalm 68 is a case in point.

The Psalmist, the poet, is praising God because of God's concern for the forgotten, the lost, those who are left behind. God is lifted up as a "father of orphans," "protector of widows," one who "gives the desolate a home to live in." God "leads out the prisoners to prosperity." In one of the older translations it says God "sets the solitary in families."

I believe the poet. Families are meant to be supporting and loving places for the solitary. The desolate need homes. Anything we can do to care for orphans, or widows - who were in ancient societies left in poverty - anything we can do to care for the lonely, that's why we have families. I love the work of the poet.

But families today are the center of much religious and political controversy. Beneficent has been a bold church in affirming that love makes a family. We support people who have found loving and just relationships. We are ecstatic that they are no longer desolate.

Beneficent was a sponsor of the resolution passed this summer by the United Church of Christ General Synod to support same gender families. I have spoken at the State House in support of Marriage Equality Rhode Island.

But our position is not the popular one. People write letters to the editor attacking our position, and saying we have abandoned our Biblical roots. I am sure that many of you have had friends or acquaintances ask you how come your Church holds this position. People seem so sure that there is only one kind of a family, and that it has been emblazoned by God in the sky, in stone, and is supposed to last just like that forever.

So I thought that today we might talk about these issues some. Perhaps this conversation will help you to explain our position to your relatives, friends, and neighbors.

Perhaps the most basic thing to remember is that faith, hope, and love are the three things that last forever. The principles of love must last and be used at all time.

But, on the other hand, there is no absolute set of rules for marriage and family that we must fit into.

The Bible actually changes its view on families as it moves through time. The Bible writers are trying to figure out how to survive in different and changing cultures that they have received from their surroundings. Do not believe that some transitional Middle Eastern mind set needs to be imposed forever. And don't believe the political rhetoric that is being invented around you. When a Mormon Governor goes on television and says that marriage has always been between one man and one woman, see clearly that he is being disingenuous.

First, lets look at a few things that some parts of the Bible seem to accept in family life that we would reject today.

The Bible, of course, affirms polygamy. Many of the Israelite kings, and even some other patriarchal families are made up of one husband and many wives.

In places the Bible also seems to accept concubinage. Men could have many sexual partners with little legal responsibility for the women or their off-spring. The children of a concubine would generally not inherit the estate.

The Bible also encourages levirate marriage. Under levirate marriage, if your brother dies, a man is expected to marry the brother's widow and bear children by her. This would be in addition to any other wives the man already has.

And in the Bible women are often treated as property.

All of these seem to be accepted in certain Biblical cultural milieus: polygamy, concubinage, levirate marriage, women as property. I don't think any of these are things we want today.

On the other hand, there are things that the Bible condemns that we are not so sure about. In places the Bible condemns intercourse during menstruation. The Bible is also, of course, against remarriage after divorce. It also condemns what is sometimes called the "sin of onanism," non-reproductive sex, masturbation, or any form of sexuality that might be done primarily for joy. The Bible even goes on to pronounce the death penalty as the punishment for adultery.

Now I am concerned about divorce. I wish we had stronger relationships. But I have had to encourage many a partner to leave abusive and destructive relationships. And I am happy when people who have survived abusive relationships can find some joy and happiness in their life in a new relationship.

And I am also against adultery. But I don't think the death penalty is an appropriate punishment. Where would we be if every adulterer was sent to the firing squad?

So while the Bible teaches us love, and while love is eternal, the Bible fails to speak clearly on some specifics of family life. The Bible is often mired in the cultures of its time. Those of us who affirm the personhood of women must find some other way.

The early Christian Church was also challenged by these questions. It rejected the wild, promiscuous, and non-affirming life styles of the Roman Empire. It rejected their "patterns of marriage and family in favor of ascetical practices, which favored the repression of passion and pleasure." "In fact, the institutional church did not become involved in the cultural institution of marriage until the 12th century CE - and when it did, it was apparently for as many financial and political reasons as religious ones."¹

Indeed much of the European institution of marriage has to do with property, inheritance, and land. That's why the early Puritan churches assigned marriage issues to the government, and did not make it a sacrament.

It is because of these legal aspects of marriage that we need to seek justice today. Some families do not have hospital visitation rights, nor rights to plan funerals. Adopted children in single parent and same gender families, orphans that families have chosen to care for, are not fully protected by our laws that fail to affirm all loving families. The Psalmist in our text today says that the care of children is a goal of God. We need to support same gendered families that are lovingly taking care of children.

So from the Bible we do not find clear definitions of marriage and the family for our time.

Nor has American culture always been clear about marriage in our society. Actually American society has often been pulled apart over debates about marriage. Here are a few:

Slaves in America were considered property and therefore did not have marriage rights. Slaves were often forced to breed as if they were cattle, women were used as toys by powerful political slave owners, children were ripped away from their natural parents and sold down the river. America does not have a good track record in honoring the love of a family.

Even outside the slave community women were not treated as equal partners. The idea that women were property persisted in some parts of America well into the twentieth century.

Inter-racial marriage was banned in most states until over-ruled by the Supreme Court in 1967. Our laws crushed loving families. Some of the first interracial marriages in Rhode Island were celebrated at Beneficent as we opposed the marriage culture of our land. We witnessed that the nation's laws about marriage thwarted love created by God.

Only recently have laws been adjusted to affirm the marriage rights of prisoners. Only recently have there been laws to protect partners from marital rape.

Marriage had often been debated, and is constantly changing.

Jesus was non-traditional about marriage. As far as we can tell he did not get married in a culture where it was expected. I sometimes wonder if the DaVinci Code, was written with a conservative agenda to try to push Jesus into a traditional marriage?

We know enough to know that families are changing. Do not believe it when people tell you it is once and all settled for good.

The poets of the Bible find God at work when we find places for orphans, widows, and the desolate. The Bible does say love lasts forever, and that should be our guiding principal.

Yes, families are facing difficulties. We are in challenging times. But I would tell you that it is adultery, abuse, and addiction that are hurting families, not gay marriage. God affirms just and loving relations.

Amen.

1 - "Sex and the City of God: Intimacy and Wholeness," (a pamphlet from Pacific School of Religion, 2004, p.7)

Other comments in this sermon represent information shared in a series of lectures and discussions at a meeting of the United Church of Christ Coalition for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns.